mindful wellness

Website introduction into mindfulness practice. The site offers basic information about  mindfulness meditation practice and offers opportunities to practice through the site. Very nice window into benefits, basic information, and learning the practice, at your fingertips! 

“God has given you one face and you make yourselves another. You jig and amble, and you lisp, you nickname God’s creatures and make your wantonness your ignorance.” — Hamlet,Act III, scene 1

As sentient beings we yearn to be loved unconditionally, and we were raised in a highly competitive society that taught us tools to gain love conditionally — mostly through doing and accomplishing certain tasks, achieving certain goals, and/or appearing and speaking in particular ways. Ever since we were infants we received positive reinforcement — smiles and “yes!’s” — when we behaved or appeared in ways that pleased our caretakers, and we received negative reinforcement — frowns and “no!’s” —when we behaved or appeared in “uncivilized” ways that displeased our caretakers.

Carl Jung spoke of the personas that we create in order to interact with others. More pejoratively, D.W. Winnicott theorized that we developed “false selves” in order to help survive our childhoods as we acclimated to the demands of our society. I think we can agree that we have facades that we use to interact with most people, and then we have our somewhat unglamorous and often unseemly real or authentic selves that we only show a few close friends and family members.

But what if the tools we developed as children that are now part of our personas/facades don’t actually help us get our emotional needs met? What if those tools actually inhibit authentic relationships, connections and interactions?

Maybe we acquired tools such as fear, suspicion and doubt, which protected us in our youth but now cause us to hack into our lovers’ email accounts to see if they are remaining faithful? Maybe we procured the tool of seduction and know how to attract people’s attention and provide them with moments of titillation and glee, but remain unsure if they love us? Maybe we discovered the tool of playing the victim, of drawing people into our dramas and forcing them to take care of us? Maybe we cultivated the tool of providing material comforts for others but end up resenting them for being gold-diggers? Maybe we learned how to fill our lives up with busy-ness in order to seem important but are now perceived as frenetic, disorganized and distant by others? Maybe we were taught to smile and look happy on the outside even when we feel alienated, misunderstood and disconnected on the inside? Maybe we learned passive-aggressive language to avoid being vulnerable?

What interpersonal tools did you acquire growing up?

Are they still helping you get your emotional needs met?

“When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem resembles a nail.” — Abraham Maslow.

Are you open to expanding your toolbox and repertoire?

If you take a look at your patterns, you may find that many of your tools — your reactions — are misguided and even maladaptive. For example, some of our tools push people away when we want to bring them closer; some of our tools cause people to flee because they inadvertently signal desperation and neediness.

We need to examine the ways our minds have been programmed to act and react and find how to take ourselves off of autopilot so that we can be truly present and show up authentically. Otherwise, we’re not much more than a pre-packaged bundle of reactions waiting for stimuli to trigger those reactions.

In my “Mindfulness for Authentic Relationships” workshops, I use simple mindfulness exercises to demonstrate that many of our reactions are maladaptive and actually hinder us from getting our emotional needs met. This is why we need to learn how to cultivate non-reactivity, which is one of the immediate benefits of both yoga and meditation. If we can learn how to observe our thoughts, feelings and reactions to stimuli rather than simply act them out unconsciously, then we can make decisions that bode more favorably for our long-term health and well-being.

In addition, I love to provide students and clients with new tools to help them gain confidence to show up authentically for relationships — tools such as Marshall Rosenberg’s “Non-Violent Communications,” Imago Therapy’s reflexive listening, and finally, my personal favorite, the tombstone exercise: Whenever I treat bickering couples I reframe their often heated, finger-pointing conversations by asking them “What do you want it to say on your tombstone?” Nobody wants it to say, “Was Right!” on his or her tombstone. Most sane people want it to say, “Beloved.” So why do we spend so much of our mental lives making ourselves “right” and other people “wrong”?? Obviously, this is a flaw in the design of the mind, one that we can use mindfulness and non-reactivity to remedy.

I like what Leonard Cohen said about what people do to try to get their needs met: “We are not mad, we are human, we want to love, and someone must forgive us for the paths we take to love, for the paths are many and dark, and we are ardent and cruel in our journey.”

Many of us have toolboxes full of rather blunt and often unsophisticated, childish tools that we employ to get our emotional needs met, e.g., posturing, boasting, lying, whining, complaining, etc. But once we make the decision to take ourselves off of autopilot and live mindfully and authentically, the possibilities for real connections, peace, ease, calm, love, and joy flourish.

20 Ways to Play

1. Blow bubbles in the bathtub. Sometimes they bounce off the surface of the water. And when they pop, they make this satisfying “click” sound. If the lights are off and you have candles burning, the reflection in the soapy dome that hovers on your bath water is mesmerizing.

2. Hula hoop. I just learned this skill. At age 32. It’s addictively fun. Jump “rope” with the hula hoop, too. Just for laughs. My good friend advised me to, “Never hula hoop naked.” But I think that if you’re after laughs, this might be a good route.

3. Make a “fortune-teller.” Then write ridiculous fortunes on the inner flaps. Present it to friends and neighbors for a range of amused smiles and baffled glances.

4. Teach your dog a trick. Another hula hoop-inspired one for me, as my dog loves to leap through the hoop with the promise of a morsel of pepperoni. And her enthusiasm is contagious.

5. Be a “surprise fairy.” Leave an anonymous gift or token for someone special. It could be a trinket or a poem, a hand-me-down necklace, or a handmade card.

6. Belt out a show tune. Preferably in public. I won’t even tell you what’s been in my repertoire recently, but it’s a calypso tune sung by an ocean-dwelling animated crab. Catch my drift?

7. Use stickers. Liberally. Just slap ‘em on notes and letters and planners. I dig Hello Kitty, but to each her own.

8. Write silly poems on the envelopes to your bills. Last month’s masterpiece to my electric company expressed my relief at the rising temperatures and the lowered energy bill, and wished the reader a sunny afternoon.

9. Leave a song on someone’s voicemail. Your high school best friend will be thrilled when he leaves work to check a voicemail containing the epic musical swells of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

10. Play with clay. You don’t have to be a sculptor. Get some play clay and roll out some worms, construct a tiny dinosaur (even if it looks like a rabbit), or use a cookie cutter to make a row of stars.

11. Run down a hill. Or roll. Get some speed and feel the abandon. You’re freeeeee!

12. Draw on the walls. Use bathtub crayons and create something while you shower. Or get some sidewalk chalk and have fun making hopscotch courses outside. Tape paper to your wall and scrawl in broad strokes with markers. It’s liberating.

13. Give in to an urge. It’s 11pm and you’re suddenly compelled to drive to the beach? Do it. It’s 10am and the sunshine outside your office window is luring you out to take a walk? Do it. Not all urges are irresponsible. I think when we feel drawn toward freedom or to do something spontaneously, it’s usually our soul’s plea for joy and levity. We can’t always ignore that or ask it to wait patiently for the weekend. If we do, it may stop speaking to us all together.

14. Borrow a kid. If you already have one, borrow another for a change of pace. Go to the playground and chase them around. Let them push you on the merry-go-round. When the other adults shoot you a look, smile inside, content in the knowledge that you know a secret to happiness: Play!

15. Swing on the swings. With or without kids. Feel the breeze across your face and the drop in your stomach when you go just a little bit higher.

16. Learn a new trick. I still can’t do a cartwheel. And I can’t quite dive. But every time I set out to do either, I feel a renewed zest for life. Try something new and have fun with it.

17. Play an instrument. Bongos and kazoos are fun for the not-so-musically-inclined.

18. Make a “faerie garden.” My mother did this with my son recently. She used an old wooden crate and some found objects, and let him create a beautiful little “garden” filled with ceramic turtles, tree branches, and an angel figurine. There’s no real reason. But why not?

19. Throw a party. Go all out and make it a themed event for all of your friends. Or go small scale and celebrate your dog’s birthday with some balloons, a new toy and a feast of fresh beef and rice. You can celebrate anything, if you want to.

20. Dance in Public. At a karaoke bar or in the grocery store. And if you somehow just can’t bring yourself to do it…do it anyway.

Jon Kabat-Zinn is, the author of the incredible book: Wherever You Go, There You Are, leads a session on Mindfulness at Google. It is relatively long video, just over an hour, but it worth every minute. So be mindful and take the time to watch it.

From the point of view of the meditative traditions the entire society is suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. — Jon Kabat-Zinn (Minute 9:07)

What caught my “distracted” attention was the above quote. It is interesting that Dr. Kbat-Zinn refers to our society as an ADHD society. More importantly, mindfulness, is underutilized, yet crucial to a healthy life of any person, but even more when it comes to people with ADHD. Meditation, which is a simple, yet not an easy practice, promotes mindfulness and improves life quality considerably. In the case of ADHD, mindfulness improves focus, reduces impulsiveness and increase life appreciation life, which in turn reduces, frustrations, depression, anxiety, etc, which are common side effects of ADD /ADHD.

Hit the link for the video.

Finally here is another quote from the video:

No great orchestra can play a great symphony without tuning first.

nocturnalhallucination:

There are so many advantages to meditation.

Physiological benefits:
1- It lowers oxygen consumption.
2- It decreases respiratory rate.
3- It increases blood flow and slows the heart rate.
4- Increases exercise tolerance.
5- Leads to a deeper level of physical relaxation.
6- Good for people with high blood pressure.
7- Reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate.
8- Decreases muscle tension
9- Helps in chronic diseases like allergies, arthritis etc.
10- Reduces Pre-menstrual Syndrome symptoms.
11- Helps in post-operative healing.
12- Enhances the immune system.
13- Reduces activity of viruses and emotional distress
14- Enhances energy, strength and vigor.
15- Helps with weight loss
16- Reduction of free radicals, less tissue damage
17- Higher skin resistance
18- Drop in cholesterol levels, lowers risk of cardiovascular disease.
19- Improved flow of air to the lungs resulting in easier breathing.
20- Decreases the aging process.
21- Higher levels of DHEAS (Dehydroepiandrosterone)
22- Prevented, slowed or controlled pain of chronic diseases
23- Makes you sweat less
24- Cure headaches & migraines
25- Greater Orderliness of Brain Functioning
26- Reduced Need for Medical Care
27- Less energy wasted
28- More inclined to sports, activities
29- Significant relief from asthma
30- Improved performance in athletic events
31- Normalizes to your ideal weight
32- Harmonizes our endocrine system
33- Relaxes our nervous system
34- Produce lasting beneficial changes in brain electrical activity
35- Cure infertility (the stresses of infertility can interfere with the release of hormones that regulate ovulation).

Psychological benefits:
36- Builds self-confidence.
37- Increases serotonin level, influences mood and behaviour.
38- Resolve phobias & fears
39- Helps control own thoughts
40- Helps with focus & concentration
41- Increase creativity
42- Increased brain wave coherence.
43- Improved learning ability and memory.
44- Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation.
45- Increased emotional stability.
46- improved relationships
47- Mind ages at slower rate
48- Easier to remove bad habits
49- Develops intuition
50- Increased Productivity
51- Improved relations at home & at work
52- Able to see the larger picture in a given situation
53- Helps ignore petty issues
54- Increased ability to solve complex problems
55- Purifies your character
56- Develop will power
57- Greater communication between the two brain hemispheres
58- React more quickly and more effectively to a stressful event.
59- Increases one’s perceptual ability and motor performance
60- Higher intelligence growth rate
61- Increased job satisfaction
62- Increase in the capacity for intimate contact with loved ones
63- decrease in potential mental illness
64- Better, more sociable behavior
65- Less aggressiveness
66- Helps in quitting smoking, alcohol addiction
67- Reduces need and dependency on drugs, pills & pharmaceuticals
68- Need less sleep to recover from sleep deprivation
69- Require less time to fall asleep, helps cure insomnia
70- Increases sense of responsibility
71- Reduces road rage
72- Decrease in restless thinking
73- Decreased tendency to worry
74- Increases listening skills and empathy
75- Helps make more accurate judgments
76- Greater tolerance
77- Gives composure to act in considered & constructive ways
78- Grows a stable, more balanced personality
79- Develops emotional maturity

Spiritual benefits:
80- Helps keep things in perspective
81- Provides peace of mind, happiness
82- Helps you discover your purpose
83- Increased self-actualization.
84- Increased compassion
85- Growing wisdom
86- Deeper understanding of yourself and others
87- Brings body, mind, spirit in harmony
88- Deeper Level of spiritual relaxation
89- Increased acceptance of oneself
90- Helps you learn forgiveness
91- Changes attitude toward life
92- Creates a deeper relationship with God/Goddess/All-That-Is
93- Attain enlightenment
94- Greater inner-directedness
95- Helps living in the present moment
96- Creates a widening, deepening capacity for love
97- Discovery of the power and consciousness beyond the ego
98- Experience an inner sense of “Assurance or Knowingness”
99- Experience a sense of “Oneness”
100- Increases the synchronicity in your life & raises your vibration