mindful wellness

Child maltreatment has been called the tobacco industry of mental health. Much the way smoking directly causes or triggers predispositions for physical disease, early abuse may contribute to virtually all types of mental illness.

Now, in the largest study yet to use brain scans to show the effects of child abuse, researchers have found specific changes in key regions in and around the hippocampus in the brains of young adults who were maltreated or neglected in childhood. These changes may leave victims more vulnerable to depression, addiction and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the study suggests.

Harvard researchers led by Dr. Martin Teicher studied nearly 200 people aged 18 to 25, who were mainly middle class and well-educated. They were recruited through newspaper and transit ads for a study on “memories of childhood.” Because the authors wanted to look specifically at the results of abuse and neglect, people who had suffered other types of trauma like car accidents or gang violence were excluded.

MORE: Study: How Chronic Stress Can Lead to Depression

Child maltreatment often leads to conditions like depression and PTSD, so the researchers specifically included people with those diagnoses. However, the study excluded severely addicted people and people on psychiatric medications, because brain changes related to the drugs could obscure the findings.

Overall, about 25% of participants had suffered major depression at some point in their lives and 7% had been diagnosed with PTSD. But among the 16% of participants who had suffered three or more types of child maltreatment — for example, physical abuse, neglect and verbal abuse — the situation was much worse. Most of them — 53% — had suffered depression and 40% had had full or partial PTSD.

The aftermath of that trauma could be seen in their brain scans, whether or not the young adults had developed diagnosable disorders. Regardless of their mental health status, formerly maltreated youth showed reductions in volume of about 6% on average in two parts of the hippocampus, and 4% reductions in regions called the subiculum and presubiculum, compared with people who had not been abused.

That’s where this study begins to tie together loose ends seen in prior research. Previous data have suggested that the high levels of stress hormones associated with child maltreatment can damage the hippocampus, which may in turn affect people’s ability to cope with stress later in life. In other words, early stress makes the brain less resilient to the effects of later stress. “We suspect that [the reductions we saw are] a consequence of maltreatment and a risk factor for developing PTSD following exposure to further traumas,” the authors write.

Indeed, brain scans of adults with depression and PTSD often show reductions in size in the hippocampus. Although earlier research on abused children did not find the same changes, animal studies on early life stress have suggested that measurable differences in the hippocampus may not arise until after puberty. The new study suggests that the same is true for humans.

MORE: Nurturing Moms May Boost Children’s Brain Growth

The findings also help elucidate a possible pathway from maltreatment to PTSD, depression and addiction. The subiculum is uniquely positioned to affect all of these conditions. Receiving output from the hippocampus, it helps determine both behavioral and biochemical responses to stress.

If, for example, the best thing to do in a stressful situation is flee, the subiculum sends a signal shouting “run” to the appropriate brain regions. But the subiculum is also involved in regulating another brain system that, when overactive during chronic high stress such as abuse, produces toxic levels of neurotransmitters that kill brain cells —particularly in the hippocampus.

It can be a counterproductive feedback loop: high levels of stress hormones can lead to cell death in the very regions that are supposed to tell the system to stop production.

What this means is that chronic maltreatment can set the stress system permanently on high alert. That may be useful in some cases — for example, for soldiers who must react quickly during combat or for children trying to avoid their abusers — but over the long term, the dysregulation increases risk for psychological problems like depression and PTSD.

MORE: Boxer Quanitta Underwood’s Inspiring Fight Against Sexual Abuse — and for Olympic Gold

The subiculum also regulates the stress response of a key dopamine network, which may have implications for addiction risk. “It is presumably through this pathway that stress exposure interacts with the dopaminergic reward system to produce stress-induced craving and stress-induced relapse,” the authors write.

In other words, dysregulation of the stress system might lead to intensified feelings of anxiety, fear or lack of pleasure, which may in turn prompt people to escape into alcohol or other drugs.

With nearly 4 million children evaluated for child abuse or neglect in the U.S. every year —a problem that costs the U.S. $124 billion in lost productivity and health, child welfare and criminal justice costs — child maltreatment isn’t something we can afford to ignore.

Even among the most resilient survivors, the aftereffects of abuse may linger. Not only are such children at later risk for mental illness, but because of the way trauma affects the stress system, they are also more vulnerable to developing chronic diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attack and stroke.

Many Americans today are under huge amounts of stress. With the decline of the economy, many find themselves dealing with financial stress. There are also those everyday stressors that come along with the normal hustle and bustle of life.
Stress-related doctor visits are on the rise.

There are several medical options for dealing with stress. Whilemedications can be helpful, many individuals want to avoid taking them every day or dealing with possible side effects.

There are several natural remedies to consider when dealing with stress.

Eating a Healthy Diet

Eating right is not only good for your body physically, but it is also good for emotional health. When we eat better, we feel better. Some suggest a natural body cleanse or detox to jumpstart this process. Avoiding excessive fats, carbs and processed foods will help you feel more energetic and may give you the energy to try other natural techniques. However, before making any changes to your regular diet, discuss options with your physician.

Exercise

Exercise releases endorphins – those “feel-good chemicals” that can improve your mood and leave you feeling good about yourself. It can help you cope with stress and ward off depression and anxiety. Studies also have shown that it can improve immune function, which is often compromised under high amounts of stress.

Having a Positive Attitude

Many individuals fail to recognize the results of a positive attitude. Making lemonade out of lemons can drastically improve one’s day. A positive attitude can leave you feeling more motivated to get things done, which can reduce stress. Having a positive attitude also can allow you to enjoy more success in all areas of your life.

Trying Herbal Remedies

Several herbal remedies can be used to reduce stress. Talk to your physician before beginning to use any, as some can interfere with other medications.

Aromatherapy uses the medicinal properties of plant and herb essential oils to relieve tension and provide stress relief. Lavender, chamomile, rosewood, geranium and frankincense are just a few oils recognized for their calming effects. They also can be used as massage oils.

Some herbs can be taken orally. Again, consult your physician first.

Massage Therapy

A therapeutic massage can encourage relaxation and aid in relieving stress. It has been shown to lower the heart rate, lower blood pressure, relax muscles, and increase endorphins.

Finding the right massage therapist for you is important, so don’t be afraid to ask questions and do a little research. Check into costs and check your health care plan. You may be surprised to find your insurance may cover several sessions. If they are not covered by your healthcare provider, you may find it beneficial to work into your budget.

Massage is generally safe as long as it is done by a licensed therapist. However, they are not appropriate for everyone. Consult your physician first.

Relaxation Techniques

There are several types of relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, and meditation are among the most popular.

Deep breathing involves slow and patterned breathing that has been proven to lower the heart rate, reduce muscle tension, and reduce anger and frustration.

Progressive muscle relaxation focuses on slowly tensing and relaxing each muscle group, allowing you to become more aware of physical sensations in the body.

Visualization includes forming mental images to take a visual journey to a calming place. During visualization it is advised to use as many of the five senses as possible.

Meditation is medically defined by the practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stress, promote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth. There are many types of meditation, so it is best to find the method that works best for you.

You will find that relaxation techniques take practice. The more you practice, the better you will become. Keep looking until you find the one that is right for you.

The practice of mindfulness can bring many benefits to your emotional and physical health, as well as to the relationships in your life. Mindfulness is an amazing tool for stress management and overall wellness because it can be used at virtually any time and can quickly bring lasting results. The following mindfulness exercises are simple and convenient, and can lead you to a deeper experience of mindfulness in your daily life.

Mindfulness Exercise #1: Meditation

Meditation brings many benefits in its own right, and has been one of the most popular and traditional ways to achieve mindfulness for centuries, so it tops the list of mindfulness exercises. Meditation becomes easier with practice, but it need not be difficult for beginners. Simply find a comfortable place, free of distractions, and quiet your mind. (See this article for more meditation techniques, or this one for abasic meditation for beginners.)

Mindfulness Exercise #2: Deep Breathing

That’s right: mindfulness can be as simple as breathing! Seriously, though, one of the most simple ways to experience mindfulness, which can be done as you go about your daily activities (convenient for those who feel they don’t have time to meditate), is to focus on your breathing. Breathe from your belly rather than from your chest, and try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focusing on the sound and rhythm of your breath, especially when you’re upset, can have a calming effect and help you stay grounded in the present moment. (See this article for more on breathing exercises.)

Mindfulness Exercise #3: Listening to Music

Listening to music has many benefits — so many, in fact, that music is being used therapeutically in a new branch of complimentary medicine known as music therapy. That’s part of why listening to music makes a great mindfulness exercise. You can play soothing new-age music, classical music, or another type of slow-tempo music to feel calming effects, and make it an exercise in mindfulness by really focusing on the sound and vibration of each note, the feelings that the music brings up within you, and other sensations that are happening “right now” as you listen. If other thoughts creep into your head, congratulate yourself for noticing, and gently bring your attention back to the current moment and the music you are hearing.

Mindfulness Exercise #4: Cleaning House

The term “cleaning house” has a literal meaning (cleaning up your actual house) as well as a figurative one (getting rid of “emotional baggage,” letting go of things that non longer serve you), and both can be great stress relievers! Because clutter has several hidden costs and can be a subtle but significant stressor, cleaning house and de-cluttering as a mindfulness exercise can bring lasting benefits. To bring mindfulness to cleaning, you first need to view it as a positive event, an exercise in self-understanding and stress relief, rather than simply as a chore. Then, as you clean, focus on what you are doing as you are doing it — and nothing else. Feel the warm, soapy water on your hands as you wash dishes; experience the vibrations of the vacuum cleaner as you cover the area of the floor; enjoy the warmth of the laundry as you fold it; feel the freedom of letting go of unneeded objects as you put them in the donations bag. It may sound a little silly as you read it here, but if you approach cleaning as an exercise in mindfulness, it can become one. (I also recommend adding music to the equation.)

Mindfulness Exercise #5: Observing Your Thoughts

Many stressed and busy people find it difficult to stop focusing on the rapid stream of thoughts running through their mind, and the idea of sitting in meditation and holding off the onslaught of thought can actually cause more stress! If this sounds like you, the mindfulness exercise of observing your thoughts might be for you. Rather than working against the voice in your head, you sit back and “observe” your thoughts, rather than becoming involved in them. As you observe them, you might find your mind quieting, and the thoughts becoming less stressful. (If not, you may benefit from journaling as a way of processing all those thoughts so you can decrease their intensity and try again.)

Mindfulness Exercise #6: Create Your Own!

You are probably now getting the idea that virtually any activity can be a mindfulness exercise, and in a way, you’re right. It helps to practice meditation or another exercise that really focuses on mindfulness, but you can bring mindfulness to anything you do, and find yourself less stressed and more grounded in the process.

Breathe deeply and relax (Photo: Alamy)

People centuries ago were far more in tune with the earth and their own senses than we are now. In the UK we live on adrenalin, which we need to fuel our hectic lifestyles and keep us “in the loop” with our constant need to communicate via phone or internet. A perfect example is the need to repeat every question you ask, in a shop or on the telephone.

In that instance, the sense of hearing is not being brought into play because there is so much else going on in the person’s mind. In many ways we live too much of our lives on automatic pilot, allowing events to happen to us and, in the process, losing control and self-awareness. How often have any of us “lost” 20 minutes of time, had to return to the house to see if the front door was locked or the gas turned off – or, worse still, arrived somewhere with no recollection of the journey?

At The (Breast Cancer) Haven in London, a programme called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction is showing huge success for the Haven’s “Visitors” (not called patients) and, indeed, for anyone who feels they would like to regain balance and peace of mind. Run by Dr Caroline Hoffman, who is the clinical Director and Research Co-Ordinator at The Haven, the course teaches you to look at yourself scientifically by consciously always bringing your mind back to the present.

Caroline told me that “allowing your mind to wander and ruminate, keeps you in an impoverished mental state”. I know what she means – it is exactly what happens to me at 3 in the morning when, like a hamster on a wheel, my mind identifies a problem (usually a tiny one which has taken on gigantic proportions in the middle of the night) and solves it, not once but, probably, four times. I find this happens when the first of a series of night sweats – courtesy of the tamoxifen – wakes me and, foolishly, I begin to “think”!

Caroline trained at the University of Massachusetts in 2004 but has been practising Mindfulness since 1991 and there is no doubt that she demonstrates a “lightness of being”, along with great enthusiasm for her subject. It is all about becoming self-aware but Caroline stressed to me that “this does not make you selfish”, quite the reverse. It is a tricky theory to put into words but developing our ability to concentrate on the “here and now” – using the technique to “anchor” us as we bubble along on the surface, being buffetted by life’s problems – acknowledging everything that happens, taking note but not reacting to it, except to recognise the effect it has on you, means that, for example, communication and relationships are conducted with our wholehearted attention. Doing two things at once will not be on the agenda!

Visitors to The Haven have spoken of feeling “calmer, centred, at peace, connected and more confident”; “being more aware”, “coping with stress, anxiety and panic”; “being less judgemental of myself and others”’ and “making time for myself”. Learning relaxation techniques is a by-product of Mindfulness – lying quietly and being aware of the rise of fall of your diaphragm as you breathe centres you back in the present. All these results must be of enormous value to people with primary or secondary breast cancer – and, indeed, research has shown that Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction helps in all sorts of areas and illnesses: boosting the immune system and enabling people to cope better with pain and, generally, raising our “awareness of yourself including body, mind, heart and soul”, giving us a greater energy and enthusiasm for life and resting our feverish minds.

1. Recognize stress symptoms.

According to Ford, “Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.” So how do you know when your partner (or you) is stressed? Ford listed these straightforward signs of stress:

• “one or both partners are snappy, cranky, withdrawn, moody, pouty, teary, ornery, angry, restless, hyper, agitated, overly excited.
• one or both partners are self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, food, etc.”

2. Approach your partner.

If you see signs of stress, ask your partner what’s going on in a kind and compassionate way. It could be as simple as: ““Are you having a difficult day, honey? Come sit by me and tell me all about it,” Ford said.

3. Listen.

“We want our partner to understand and when we are listened, we feel cared for,” Ford said. Keep in mind that listening is a skill, and one that few people actually do well. It’s the same with communicating with your partner. To learn more, read this piece on how partners can become active listeners and better speakers.

4. Comfort first.

Many partners forget to console their significant other and instead try to problem solve. But, as Ford said, “Comfort each other first, problem solve second.” That’s because your partner might be looking for stress relief rather than a nitty-gritty brainstorming session. Just hugging and gently touching your partner can provide that relief.

5. Get active together.

Participating in physical activities is one of the best ways to reduce stress. Plus, if you’re engaging in new activities, it can reignite your relationship. (Here’s more on boosting the passion in your relationship.)

6. Create a list of stress-reducing rituals.

Ford suggested that each partner write up a list of their “comforting rituals.” This can be anything from taking a bath to reading a book to working in the garage, she explained.

7. Check your stress temperature.

When both partners are stressed, comforting each other can get tricky. But Ford’s solution actually encourages couples to cope on their own. That’s because “You can’t comfort your partner until you have comforted yourself first. Calm yourself first then reach out in support of your partner.”

Ford suggested that each partner take what she calls a “stress temperature.” This simply means checking in with yourself to see where you fall on a 10-point scale (10 being “high stress” and 1 being “relaxed”). Share your temperature with each other. If it’s higher than a 4, each partner can engage in their comforting ritual, Ford said.

She added: “Support each other in recognizing and taking stress temps. When the temp is high, just like when a person is sick, he or she will need to do whatever it takes to feel better. Encourage your sweetheart to take care.”

8. Ask your partner what you can do.

An important way of supporting your loved one is to ask them flat-out how you can help. According to Ford, you might say: “Is there anything I can do to make your day go smoother?” If your partner isn’t sure, “notice what might be helpful and do that.” It might be anything from doing a few chores to giving them a relaxing back rub.

9. Keep posted on your partner’s days.

Knowing your partner’s daily agenda helps you spot potential stressors and be prepared to help. Do they have a big presentation or client interview coming up? Are they taking a test in their toughest class? Is their friend going through a difficult time? Is it time for their quarterly evaluation?

“Find out at least one thing that your partner will be doing and dealing with during the day.” Ford suggested asking your partner directly what’s on their plate: “Honey, what’s going on for you today?”

10. Consider if there’s anything else you can do.

Of course you can’t ease your partner’s stress completely. But you can pay attention to whether they’re happy and see how you can help. Ford suggested asking yourself: “Am I doing everything within my power to aid in my partner’s happiness?”

Unchecked stress can sabotage a relationship and lead to dissatisfaction and disconnection. But there are many ways you can take action to alleviate your own stress and support your partner.

Traffic jams. Job woes. Visits from the in-laws. Life is full of stress, and more often than not, people feel it physically as well as mentally.

Although the stress response begins in the brain, it is a full-body phenomenon. When someone encounters a threat — real or imagined — the brain triggers a cascade of stress hormones. The heart pounds, muscles tense, and breathing quickens.

One of the best ways to counter stress is to pay attention to what is going on. That may sound counterintuitive, but paying attention is the first step toward cultivating mindfulness — a therapeutic technique for a range of mental health problems (and physical ones).

The opposite of multitasking

Multitasking has become a way of life. People talk on a cell phone while commuting to work, or scan the news while returning e-mails. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, people often lose connection with the present moment. They stop being truly attentive to what they are doing or feeling.

Mindfulness is the opposite of multitasking. The practice of mindfulness, which has its roots in Buddhism, teaches people to live each moment as it unfolds. The idea is to focus attention on what is happening in the present and accept it without judgment.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, professor of medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, developed a mindfulness-based stress reduction program for people with major depression (since adapted for other disorders). Another adaptation of mindfulness to clinical practice is mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, which combines mindfulness techniques with cognitive behavioral therapy.

However it is practiced, mindfulness is a powerful therapeutic tool. Studies have found, for example, that mindfulness techniques can help prevent relapse in people who have had several past episodes of major depression. Other research suggests that mindfulness techniques can help alleviate anxiety and reduce physical symptoms such as pain or hot flashes.

Watch a video

For more information about the health dangers of stress — and how mindfulness can help people relax — watch this video of a talk by Dr. Michael C. Miller, editor in chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter, at www.health.harvard.edu/MillerStress.

Do-it-yourself methods

One of the best things about mindfulness is that it is something people can try on their own. Here’s how to get started:

Center down. Sit on a straight-backed chair or cross-legged on the floor. Focus on an aspect of your breathing, such as the sensations of air flowing into your nostrils and out of your mouth, or your belly rising and falling as you inhale and exhale.

Open up. Once you’ve narrowed your concentration, begin to widen your focus. Become aware of sounds, sensations, and ideas. Embrace and consider each without judgment. If your mind starts to race, return your focus to your breathing.

Observe. You may notice external sensations such as sounds and sights that make up your moment-to-moment experience. The challenge is not to latch onto a particular idea, emotion, or sensation, or to get caught up in thinking about the past or the future. Instead you watch what comes and goes in your mind, and discover which mental habits produce a feeling of suffering or well-being.

Stay with it. At times, this process may not seem relaxing at all, but over time it provides a key to greater happiness and self-awareness as you become comfortable with a wider and wider range of your experiences.

You can also try less formal approaches to mindfulness by trying to become more aware while you are doing activities that you enjoy. Playing the piano, juggling, walking — all can become part of your mindfulness practice as long as you pay attention to what is happening in the moment. Listen to the sounds of the music, feel the weight of the balls as they fall into your hand, or really look at what you are walking past.

Practice makes perfect

Mindfulness is something to cultivate and practice, on a regular basis.

Make a commitment. Aim for doing 20 to 45 minutes of mindfulness practice, most days of the week. (If that sounds like a lot, remember that a key part of mindfulness means letting go of expectations. Just commit to trying to become more mindful, and do the best you can.)

Make small changes. It’s hard to make big changes. It’s better to start slow and build gradually. The famous Alcoholics Anonymous motto is “one day at a time.” Mindfulness involves taking it less than one day at a time — aim for one moment at a time.

Mindfulness really does not have to be more complicated than learning to pay attention to what is going on around you. But this “simple” advice is often hard to sustain in a busy world. Try making the effort to become more mindful — and you may find the results make it worth it.

You are not a machine.

You’re mortal. Organic. You don’t come in a shape that will always easily slot into all the timetables and schedules and systems that beckon.

That’s probably no surprise. (And yet how many demands do you put on yourself sometimes?)

So there might be times when you can’t “keep on keeping on,” or where maybe you don’t always have the energy to “push on through.” Where it’s not always so easy to “just do it.”

Times, instead, where you might need to rest.
Replenish.
Respect the boundaries of your humanness – perfectly imperfect just as it is – and simply restore the balance a little. To stop treating yourself like the machine that you’re not…

 

I had a week like that myself last week (which is why you wouldn’t have seen me here on the blog). A week where I just needed to drop out of some of the routines and demands and pressures. I needed a whole lot more of “nothing” on my to-do list.

Do you know the feeling?

Where you yearn for a deliberate clearing of the decks and a clearing of your mind?

When do you know that it’s time to remember that?
What are your cues to recall your humanness?
(Or do you tend to ignore them until they become warning bells?)

And when you actually get around to it, what do you do tohonour your mortal limits?

How do you relax?
Or replenish?
Or remember yourself?

It doesn’t have to be big. Or take a lot of time.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as remembering to breathe – consciously.
Just coming to rest for a moment.
Finding a quiet moment and being still.
Absorbing whatever the moment has to offer – and letting there be moments that aren’t stuffed to the brim with “important,” “busy” stuff.

Perhaps even letting some moments have the time to bring theirgifts to you.

For perhaps it’s not only us that aren’t machines.

Perhaps moments aren’t machines either…

Dude, chill. Meditation can help you

By Kyle Wackrow | THE EASTERN ECHO
Added September 28, 2011 at 9:52 pm

The time we spend at college can be some of the best days of our lives. With new people, places and things to experience, it can all be equally stressful. Many often stress out and suffer trying to balance making time for assignments, studying, exams, work and friends. So when it’s time for students to de-stress, it’s surprising many don’t consider adding a meditation regimen to their schedule.

Now that all the skeptics are rolling their eyes, it is important to point out what meditation is not. Meditation is often dismissed as a religious activity or being out of one’s comfort zone. You don’t have to accept a new religion or go study with a guru in the mountains because meditation isn’t about belief; it is about consciousness.

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Meditation is the practice and art of quieting the mind. If you take time to just listen to yourself think, your mind is probably racing with what else you have to do today, this week, who you want to hang out with, where you want to go and the list goes on. When you quiet the mind, it allows you to step back from the hustle and bustle of life. This chance at peace, no matter how temporary, is what draws so many people to meditation in the first place.

One of the clearest benefits of meditation reveals itself in your concentration. When you have a clear and quiet mind, you have a greater ability to focus and become more productive.

Another of the benefits of meditation is improved health. Numerous studies have found health benefits tied to frequent meditation. In reducing stress and anxiety, meditation allows for other health benefits to follow.

Meditation also allows the chance to calm down and stop sweating the small stuff. It’s easy to get carried away and build up small things into serious problems. In meditation, you are able to step back and detach from those stressful aspects of life. In looking at the bigger picture, we can see how small those small problems are and get over them.

While many are warming up to the idea of meditation, they believe they don’t have the time to commit to a routine. It’s not difficult to make time; take time if a rerun comes on, take a short break from focusing on Facebook to focus on yourself or if you want to meditate in the morning, just wake up a little earlier. The benefits
of a more productive day are worth the small break from your regular routine.

Meditation takes practice, but it’s not as scary as it sounds. When you sit down to meditate for the first time, you might become frustrated at how loud your thoughts are and feelings of “it’s been ten minutes, why am I not a Zen master by now?” It is helpful to remind yourself anything worthwhile takes practice. Meditating every day would be ideal, but only you can hold yourself to such a standard.

When meditating, it is important to keep your back straight. You can keep your back against a wall if that helps, but don’t slouch or you’re likely to get too comfortable and fall asleep. Also, don’t try to cheat the system and meditate on your back in bed with your eyes closed. Last time I checked, this is called sleeping. It is important to be conscious while meditating.

You don’t have to twist your legs up like a pretzel to meditate. You could even meditate in a chair as long as you keep your back straight. You could burn incense or light a candle, but if you live on-campus, you’ll just get busted. RAs and DPS pounding on your door is close to the opposite of what you want your meditation
sessions to be like.

Now that you’re all set, just close your eyes and focus on the act of slowly breathing in and out. Your mind might wander, but it’s important to focus on your breathing. It might be difficult the first time, but as long as you keep your wandering thoughts positive and keep up with the practice, you’re on your way to calmer days with less stress.

1. Figure out where the stress is coming from.

Oftentimes, when we’re stressed, it seems like a big mess with stressors appearing from every angle. We start to feel like we’re playing a game of dodge ball, ducking and darting so we don’t get smacked by a barrage of balls. We take a defensive position, and not a good one at that.

Instead of feeling like you’re flailing day to day, identify what you’re actually stressed about. Is it a specific project at work, an upcoming exam, a dispute with your boss, a heap of laundry, a fight with your family?

By getting specific and pinpointing the stressors in your life, you’re one step closer to getting organized and taking action.

 

2. Consider what you can control—and work on that.

While you can’t control what your boss does, what your in-laws say or the sour state of the economy, you can control how you react, how you accomplish work, how you spend your time and what you spend your money on.

The worst thing for stress is trying to take control over uncontrollable things. Because when you inevitably fail — since it’s beyond your control — you only get more stressed out and feel helpless. So after you’ve thought through what’s stressing you out, identify the stressors that you can control, and determine the best ways to take action.

Take the example of a work project. If the scope is stressing you out, talk it over with your supervisor or break the project down into step-wise tasks and deadlines.

Stress can be paralyzing. Doing what’s within your power moves you forward and is empowering and invigorating.

3. Do what you love.

It’s so much easier to manage pockets of stress when the rest of your life is filled with activities you love. Even if your job is stress central, you can find one hobby or two that enrich your world. What are you passionate about? If you’re not sure, experiment with a variety of activities to find something that’s especially meaningful and fulfilling.

4. Manage your time well.

One of the biggest stressors for many people is lack of time. Their to-do list expands, while time flies. How often have you wished for more hours in the day or heard others lament their lack of time? But you’ve got more time than you think, as Laura Vanderkam writes in her aptly titled book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.

We all have the same 168 hours, and yet there are plenty of people who are dedicated parents and full-time employees and who get at least seven hours of sleep a night and lead fulfilling lives.

Here are Vanderkam’s seven steps to help you check off your to-do list and find time for the things you truly enjoy.

5. Create a toolbox of techniques.

One stress-shrinking strategy won’t work for all your problems. For instance, while deep breathing is helpful when you’re stuck in traffic or hanging at home, it might not rescue you during a business meeting.

Because stress is complex, “What we need is a toolbox that’s full of techniques that we can fit and choose for the stressor in the present moment,” said Richard Blonna, Ed.D, a nationally certified coach and counselor and author of Stress Less, Live More: How Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Can Help You Live a Busy Yet Balanced Life.

Here’s a list of additional techniques to help you build your toolbox.

6. Pick off the negotiables from your plate.

Review your daily and weekly activities to see what you can pick off your plate. As Vanderkam asks in her book: “Do your kids really love their extracurricular activities, or are they doing them to please you? Are you volunteering for too many causes, and so stealing time from the ones where you could make the most impact? Does your whole department really need to meet once per week or have that daily conference call?”

Blonna suggested asking these questions: “Do [my activities] mesh with my goals and values? Am I doing things that give my life meaning? Am I doing the right amount of things?”

Reducing your stack of negotiable tasks can greatly reduce your stress.

7. Are you leaving yourself extra vulnerable to stress?

Whether you perceive something as a stressor depends in part on your current state of mind and body. That is, as Blonna said, ““Each transaction we’re involved in takes place in a very specific context that’s affected by our health, sleep, psychoactive substances, whether we’ve had breakfast [that day] and [whether we’re] physically fit.”

So if you’re not getting sufficient sleep or physical activity during the week, you may be leaving yourself extra susceptible to stress. When you’re sleep-deprived, sedentary and filled to the brim with coffee, even the smallest stressors can have a huge impact.

8. Preserve good boundaries.

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, saying no feels like you’re abandoning someone, have become a terrible person or are throwing all civility out the window. But of course that couldn’t be further from the truth. Plus, those few seconds of discomfort are well worth avoiding the stress of taking on an extra activity or doing something that doesn’t contribute value to your life.

One thing I’ve noticed about productive, happy people is that they’re very protective of their time and having their boundaries crossed. But not to worry: Building boundaries is a skill you can learn. Here are some tips to help. And if you tend toward people-pleasing, these tipscan help, too.

9. Realize there’s a difference between worrying and caring.

Sometimes, our mindset can boost stress, so a small issue mushrooms into a pile of problems. We continue worrying, somehow thinking that this is a productive — or at least inevitable — response to stress. But we mistake worry for action.

Clinical psychologist Chad LeJeune, Ph.D, talks about the idea of worrying versus caring in his book, The Worry Trap: How to Free Yourself from Worry & Anxiety Using Acceptance & CommitmentTherapy. “Worrying is an attempt to exert control over the future by thinking about it,” whereas caring is taking action. “When we are caring for someone or something, we do the things that support or advance the best interests of the person or thing that we care about.”

LeJeune uses the simple example of houseplants. He writes: “If you are away from home for a week, you can worry about your houseplants every single day and still return home to find them brown and wilted. Worrying is not watering.”

Similarly, fretting about your finances does nothing but get you worked up (and likely prevent you from taking action). Caring about your finances, however, means creating a budget, paying bills on time, using coupons and reducing how often you dine out.

Just this small shift in mindset from worrying to caring can help you adjust your reaction to stress. To see this distinction between worrying and caring, LeJeune includes an activity where readers list responses for each one. For example:

Worrying about your health involves…

Caring about your health involves…

Worrying about your career involves…

Caring about your career involves…

10. Embrace mistakes—or at least don’t drown in perfectionism.

Another mindset that can exacerbate stress is perfectionism. Trying to be mistake-free and essentially spending your days walking on eggshells is exhausting and anxiety-provoking. Talk about putting pressure on yourself! And as we all know but tend to forget: Perfectionism is impossible and not human, anyway.

As researcher Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth” and it’s not self-improvement.

Nothing good can come from perfectionism. Brown writes: “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life-paralysis [‘all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect’].”

Plus, mistake-mistaking can lead to growth. To overcome perfectionism, Brown suggests becoming more compassionate toward yourself. I couldn’t agree more.